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Colposcopy day

Aug. 13th, 2013 | 12:27 am

I hate going to the OBGYN. Hate it! ..though, a very necessary evil, or that's what I keep telling myself. Though I often wonder if those of the not so fairer sex would put up with all the BS that we women have to deal with. I really am tired of being told "this procedure will just feel like mild to moderate menstral cramping and then you should be back to normal in a day or two." What a load of garbage. They say that for everything: pap tests, invasive ultra sounds, colposcopies, biopsies, removal of fibroids and cysts.

I had a colposcopy and biopsy this morning and NO...it does not feel like menstral cramps. It feels like I masturbated with a shard of glass. (sorry to be so graphic but there is no other way to describe it). I am angry and want prescription pain killers. If I had known how bad this was going to be I would have taken the day off. And in addition to general pain, it hurts to sit down, pee, or release gas (again sorry) but it really feels awful, like having some terrible STD that makes it burn when you pee...and I am oozing all sorts of disgusting things from the procedure. -cry-

And here's the truely great part...if my biopsy comes back with more irregular cells what do they do? ...another colposcopy and biopsy a few months later. Because what girl doesn't want their cervix to look like swiss cheese right?! And thats all they can do unless it gets worse. And if it gets worse, the procedures just get more painful. So what's the point unless you have severe dysplasia or cancer? Is cervical cancer really that common? It just seems a bit over kill along with down play of the effects of the procedure.

I seriously need some pain meds, this sucks! So much more painful than wisdom teeth.

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Ghosts: Real or Fake?

Jun. 22nd, 2013 | 01:57 am

There are tons of ghost hunter, paranmormal investigator reality shows and dramas on TV. I was watching some of one tonight and thinking about it (and with no-one to share my thoughts with, I thought I'd share them here) First off. I'm not sure I believe in ghosts and it seems likely to me that they are entirely made up by people, just as deities, angels, demons, and other supernatural entities are entirely made-up. However, I often wonder about it, as it seems that many non-believers also have experiences. And while the idea of someone dying and leaving residual energy in the form of a "spirit/ghost" that can communicate makes no sense...it does seem somewhat unlikely that it is entire nonsense. How many paranormal investigators have spent countless hours recording electro-magnetic readings, recording voices, and providing video of "spiritual" movement? So while I don't think that these are the dead who haven't passed on, is it possible that there is a more scientific explanation for all this? Parallel universe theory perhaps? The idea that there are other realities similar to our own that run parallel. Is it not possible that they might overlap in places? The human eye sees very little of what we deem to be reality. We only see a fraction of the colors in the world. We can't see ultra-violet light, only have five senses of the many available in the animal kingdom, and can only observe 3 dimensions. My point being..observers often claim that their pets are able to sense, if not visually see these entities. What if ghosts are just reflections into out neighboring multiverse and we just aren't biologically developed enough to preceive them? Wouldn't this make more sense?

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The Purge

Jun. 7th, 2013 | 04:52 am

Best film I've seen in theatres in over a year and the best film I've seen since Silver Linings Playbook (which is so LAST year pfft!). Yes...there are quite a few gaps and questions that the story gives rise to, but I believe it was intended to be that way. And I personally love movies that require a little bit of thinking. It got bad reviews and I have no idea why? Maybe because it would have been better recieved by critics if it had had a more Indie-feel to it like Funny Games (another GREAT) and this movie was clearly marketed to a more mainstream audience....but people do make movies to make a profit and not just a social statement. So while I'm sure many people just went to see the gore, I think it offered enough of an interesting storyline and view into the human psyche to be compelling to movie watchers who were looking for a little something more. Far more interesting and satisfying than either Iron Man or Star Trek Into Darkness I'm sad to say. So yeah.. Watch it!

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Mar. 18th, 2013 | 09:32 pm

I was wrong in my last post, apparently one of the teens broke down crying and apologized for the crime, basically admitting to it. Watching Pierce Morgan and the father of Ma'lik Richmond is claiming that his son did nothing wrong and Pierce has him on the hot seat.
Pierce is pointing out the culture in America of accepting rape. I'm literally listening to his lawyer explain that rape is excusable because a 16 year old isn't cognitively developed enough to make adult decisions. And Pierce says he has teenage boys..and they know that rape is horrible and wrong. ...This is literally the conversation that is going on in America. I feel like we live in the dark ages.

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Ohio Rape Sentencing

Mar. 17th, 2013 | 03:59 pm

Today we found out that the sentencing is set at 1 to two years for Trent Mays and Ma'Lik Phillips, the two students who brutally raped and recorded the rape of a teenage girl. The media has covered the story, showing pictures and video of the criminals weeping and hugging family members and their lawyers.
The statement they put out: “I would truly like to apologize,” Mays said. “No pictures should have been sent around, let alone have been taken.”
...And no admittance of guilt. No apology to the victim for the crime that was committed....it's an apology for having been caught. For having recorded the criminal events which made the evidence of the case so overwhelming that it was impossible not to find them guilty. When 97% of rapists in this country go free, these two individuals are the exception.
And the payoff for bringing these two individuals to justice? ...One to two years in a juvenile detention center. It's a fucking joke. The images of these two crying and hugging their family members puts me somewhere between laughing and wanting to puke. And this is justice in America. Very Rare justice. And we wonder why 54% of rapes never go reported. In no other crime, is the victim forced to prove over and over that a crime had actually been committed. The arguing point of the defense was that the victim may have been awake for part of the rape...as if simply being awake as you are carried around naked by your feet and ankles like a slaughtered pig is an implication of consent. It's just disgusting that so many people think this is justifiable.

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Ohio Rapists

Mar. 16th, 2013 | 12:49 pm

Now I'm sure if you're reading this you've already heard all about the Ohio high school students who raped a girl at a party and took videos and pictures of the event. The group Anonymous obtained some of these images and made them viral and now there's this big stink about how they might have hurt the victims case.

It's amazing to me how the media has chosen to handle the reporting of the case. It wasn't too long ago that we had the Casey Anthony trial and the media had pegged her as guilty of murder before it even went to trial and here we have a rape, with videos, images, and eye witness accounts and there is "question" as to whether a rape was committed?! And the sad truth is that this is a crime that happens every day in America and that there is nothing particularly unique or unusual about the events, or the victim, or the perpetrators, or that several other people stood by and let it happen. What is unique, is the overwhelming amount of evidence.

The reason that Anonymous posted the images for everyone to see was not solely to punish the perpetrators or to draw attention to the crime that was committed, It was to ensure that there was not a shadow of a doubt in anyone's mind that this crime had not been committed. At a wooping 2%, nearly all rape crimes go unpunished in this country and victims rarely see justice and yet it's a crime that affects one is six women. And yet, the greater problem is not the individual rapes, but the way that society addresses them. I believe that the point of posting the images, was also to highlight the erroneous and shameful way in which our society chooses to view these crimes. And that is what Anonymous is about...rooting out corruption and spuring social reform. So here's hoping for the best.

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(no subject)

Mar. 5th, 2013 | 02:50 am

I read an article a moment ago and it was discussing the humanity that is lost when a crime is committed. And it was interesting to me because it was claiming that the crime takes the humanity from not just the victim, but also the perpetrator. An interesting claim.
I think that most people have the view that the humanity of a person is already distinctly altered or lacking when one commits an act of violence and that it is this lack/altered state of humanity that compels these people to do wrong to others to begin with. And of course this is short-sited the world in black and white nonsense that we tell ourselves to make the world seem like a much more stable place. But it is interesting to think of how the humanity of people is lost or altered in their wrongdoings to others and I hadn't really thought much about it before. I'd always assummed that cognitive dissonance and rationalization were the key tools that humans used in which to justify wrongdoing to others and that any sense of regret or damage to one's humanity would be "set right" by said tools.
And even further, the argument can progress to whether or not humanity is something that can be altered or lost..as it isn't tangible. I dunno... late night thought. This is why I shouldn't read before bed. It's stupid things like this that keep me awake

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This time of year..

Dec. 22nd, 2012 | 02:36 am

So, I never post here anymore. But I just want to say that not calling when you said you would...it hurts. Some promises should not be broken.. and when they are it hurts to the core. I honestly don't understand...but I'm willing to forgive you anyway. I really wish you had been a bigger person though,

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

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VA Primary Result

Mar. 6th, 2012 | 09:06 pm

I have a previous post about the voting in the primary and how very few people actually participate. I was thinking today "hmm...I wonder if more people are participating in this primary? (given the extreme partisan climate, the economy, and the supposed anger towards the current presidential policies) Turns out...Nope. Even though Prince William county has grown (as well as the number of registered voters) fewer came out for this primary than the previous.

So my next question is "Why?"
1. Registered Republican voters do not care who wins the nomination, they will support whomever is chosen
2. Registered Republican voters do not believe that some candidates are stronger/weaker than others and have confidence that whomever is chosen will win against Obama
3. All additions to the number of registered voters do not identify as Republican and therefore do not affect the numbers
4. Republicans, unable to vote for Santorum or Gingrich, chose not to vote at all
5. Fewer people identify as Republican whether previously registered or not
6. People are not as unhappy with the current presidential policies as is believed
7. People simply do not care/do not think their votes matter.

My guess is that it's a little of all of the above. But it seems to imply (at least in VA) that we still support Obama.

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Late Night Holiday Rambling

Dec. 20th, 2011 | 03:50 am

So it's late. And I'm watching The Holiday...on Lifetime no less. (Something about that previous sentence wreaks of sad) *shakes head
But I really like this movie. It always cheers me up a little this time of year. Partly because I can relate so much to the two heroines, partly because the two male love interests remind me of my own previous love interests, partly that it's about being sad around Christmas and of course finding love at the most inopportune of times. And in the end Christmas works out, and not in your typical holiday movie fashion, but in the sense that it's about people finding positivity and enjoying the humanity in others. If only Christmas could just be about that...enjoying the humanity of others.

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

... a favorite quote from the movie. And one that definitely hits close to home.
And although this Christmas is going to be rough, I can't help but wonder if maybe there's some reason why this time of year is so bad for me. Like it's all building until I meet that one special guy and I won't know that he's right for me until that Christmas where things are different. So yeah...if my life were a movie, it would go something like that...and maybe Nancy Meyers would direct it.

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